Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
