4 words: hood of his car
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
