the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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