i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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