you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
