It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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