Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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