Got a toothbrush?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am available for nakedness
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
