I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
