morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
