the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
