I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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