hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I need moral support for this bender
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
