DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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