I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
