Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
