you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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