I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
