I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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