She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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