May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
