Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Soap is not a condiment
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
