get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
