Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
