i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
