How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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