I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize