peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What drink are we having for lunch?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
