Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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