i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
