I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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