So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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