He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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