Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
