he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
