I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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