Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
