Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
