we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
