I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
