i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
