Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
