I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
