I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm passing your future prison.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
