he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
