I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
