mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
