real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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