4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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