Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
