Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
