I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
