If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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