ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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