Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
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Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize