You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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