Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
