: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
