FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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