guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
