Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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