I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
