sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
