PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
