He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
