What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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