After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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