Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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