How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
