i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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