I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
