youre lurking in front of me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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