white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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