quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
