Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I need to calm my uterus...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
