I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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