I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I currently don't understand fingers.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
