i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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