when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
